Holiday Heartaches are here...

Well, it has begun.

Mom and I went out shopping today for a memorial ornament for Dad. The memory gardens has a holiday gathering and a tree where people can put ornaments up in memory of loved ones.

Well, it was the first time I had actually really thought about Christmas without Dad. I stood in the middle of Michael's craft store and just cried. I then found my mommy and we hugged and I cried and she stayed stiff-lipped true to her "gotta be a tough broad" approach. I have no issues with crying in public and that is one of my frustrations with our culture. We, IMHO, are too cool and compartmentalized. It hurts when it hurts and it seems like it should be ok to model emotional release for others. Just me...

Well, I cried several times before we got outta that store, and it was the first of many stores visited for the ornament.

It is funny, because Dad would always get irritable, or nearly always get irritable, at Christmas, and really most holidays. He would sometimes get mad, make a scene, whatever, but sometimes it was great fun. But it was Dad, and we loved him even during the tough moments. Now, we'll wish like hell somebody was getting irritated.

We have found several fishing ornaments and mom bought a few. Dad was a true fisherman. Lived for it. It was his favorite thing, right after mom. She found an ornament that was a man and a woman out fishing and the sign on it said " a fisherman and his biggest catch" which was his wife at his side and that huge fish on his line, both of them - and that sure was dad.

To try to give mom something to look forward to during the holidays, we are going to watch all the Harry Potter movies, one per week. She has only seen the first one, so it will be very fun for her. My friend Mandy will probably join us as well.

We have been picking up jigsaw puzzles at thrift stores, so I imagine we will start in on those too.

Ollie reminds me more and more of Tashi with each passing week. My heart still aches for my sweet meeper. Ollie and Heljye are keeping me pretty busy though, so less time to notice his absence.

Well, I need to go, just wanted to purge a little more emotion...

Happy Holidays and be safe, whatever you do!