Spirituality

I recall, very specifically, thinking about my spiritual development and what that would mean for me here in Ohio. I started thinking about it once it was clear that I was leaving home and moving lock, stock and barrel to Ohio.

My dearest friends gave me a shirt as a present "Friends Don't Let Friends Live in Ohio." I loved it.

Anyway, I recall thinking how this relocation of my life, in many many ways a fish way outta water, would put my spirituality to the test. If I can live the thought in Ohio, then I am truly on the path to enlightenment.

I was only beginning to sorta feel like I owned my spirituality once in a while, so moving to Ohio was going to really be the make or break for me. My spiritual journey has been a long slow road, with many beloved teachers and experiences along the way.

A few weeks ago I had the occasion to speak with a very well educated, and very astute woman who is the ED of a nonprofit. I told her my situation here in Dayton, and she looked at me and asked how it was that I was smiling and not seriously depressed.

Now, for all my pissing and moaning, which you KNOW I love to do for fun, I do smile quite often here, and I am not depressed. Worried, yes.

Driving in a total downpour (alien in SF) at about 25 mph on the highway today, I realized just how well I was doing with my spiritual beliefs, and how well that was serving me. Amazing what a good downpour will do.

I felt pretty good about it too, as I don't have a support system here to keep my spiritual path clear. It is pretty easy in the Bay Area, as so many folks are on some sort of a similar path, or have a level of awareness around some of the ideas.

The few Ohio folks I have attempted to engage in conversation just kinda looked at me with that plastic face of politeness, and at the first opportunity switch the subject.

Alien.

I sometimes struggle with Levi-Strauss' theory of binary opposition. Yet, I have also accepted it as a basic premise in my spiritual life.

As you come to know the inner workings of my mind via this blog, you will come to realize that I live in a perpetual paradox, not only in my spiritual nature, but in my thoughts and ideas about many many things. Don't get me started on culture... even if you weren't a drinker before, you will be, well before my tongue tires.

Every moment in life I am in a position to make a choice. To live in "love" or to live in "fear" - whilst far from perfect at this... I live in love far more often than I live in fear.

To those for whom this concept, or approach to thinking about life, might be new... it means in a very simple example, that when approached by an unknown person, I can choose the path of fear and expect something negative about or from the encounter. I can choose the path of love, and expect something positive from the encounter.

A bit of a self fulfilling prophecy.

We live in the world we create for ourselves.

Focus on the negative, and that is what you will see and feel for your life.

Focus on the positive, and that is what your life will have and be.

I still love dearly a quote by a 17 year old girl from Bam, Iran. The ancient city of Bam, was leveled by an earthquake on Dec 23, just 2 months before I was scheduled to visit. She, like most other survivors (est dead was about 26,000) lost almost every one of her relatives. Rural Iranians and small city dwellers typically live surrounded by close relatives. As the ancient homes crumbled, entire families were taken. This girl was 12 at the time of the earthquake, she writes poetry and shared this thought...

"Life is beautiful for those who seek beauty,"

I can hear the sounds of all the IF critters outside my window. In years past, this would have been an irritant. A fear based choice I made.

Now, in love, I simply listen. I feel blessed to have the ability to hear them.

I listen. I hear beauty. Life is indeed beautiful.

so, as I shove off for bed, serenaded by the IF Symphony, I wish for you the ability to seek beauty, and have a beautiful life.

Nails...

OK, so these are the things that just completely and I mean completely boggle my mind.

I mean, really...

So the garage (the one that floods when it rains any significant amount) has some rough wood shelving installed on the west wall. Made out of 2 x4's nailed to the floor joists and hanging down to just a hair's breath from the garage floor.

Next there is a single 10 or 12 foot 2 x 4 running across, parallel with the wall and the floor and about 16 inches above the floor. This 2 x4 is nailed into the ones coming down from the ceiling.

Next there are some nice 18" long 2 x 4's nailed in to create ledges for shelves to sit on... well there are a couple of these only. The rest are little metal brackets.

So, some of the 2 x 4's are literally just nailed into the floor joist with like 2 nails total. This is suppose to hold shelves in a garage....

some have brackets.

Now, somebody along the line decided to pay about 75 cents to a 1.50 for each bracket (2 types) and there is probably a total of about 20 of them altogether.

Each bracket has 2 to 3 holes for nails/screws --- per flat area - meaning that each bracket uses anywhere from 4 to 6 nails/screws.

Well, I guess nails used to cost a bloody fortune cause EACH bracket, regardless if it had a total of 4 or 6 holes only had 2 nails - one for each side.

Now, I just spent like 4 days in the big box in a really loooooooong aisle of nails. Nails for days. I was looking for a 10d 1 1/4"... that is what the bracket said to use. Well, long 4 days standing there later... I come home with a 1 pound box of roofers nails that are 3d 1 1/4" cause the Big Box man said 10d's don't come that short in regular nails... whatever. That box was $2.37.

$2.37 - it has to have like a hundred nails in it.

I also bought more brackets to really shore the sucker up - cause last winter it came crashing down on me, and that was not fun at all.

So, do I only put one nail per bracket side in these $1.50 brackets????????

I mean, seriously, what could you possibly be thinking???? One nail?

I just don't freaking get it. 100 nails, $2.50ish with tax... they had to buy the brackets somewhere... even I, on the verge of selling matches and pencil's downtown could muster up the $ for the nails and will pound a nail in every bleeping hole in the daggone brackets.

So, big shock, the lower bits of the 2 x 4's have water damage. do ya think the slapped some primer and a cheap coat of spray paint on that bare wood before they left it in that garage that has like 2 to 3" of water sitting in it during the heavy rains?

Nooooooooooooooooooo.

So, I have some bits of primer and spray paint left around from last fall and am trying to get the wood dried out good so I can prime and paint it.

I mean really people... do people sleep all the way between 2nd grade and 8th grade?

Aarrrghh.

So I forgot and left my DDP in the freezer for 1.5 hours... not opening that puppy for a while.

Ok... back to making the shelves sturdy so I can get the garage in some sort of basic order.

CA day out there and my energy level is back to what it used to be in my former life. Gosh how I miss waking up ready to conquer the world. I cannot wait for fall, will be the energizer bunny before I hit that long winter hibernation.

Alrighty, back to the shelves.

Life in the Millennial Depression

I figured I might as well start the book now.

Who knows how long I'll have electric to be able to write it on the computer.

Might ought to go buy a used typewriter at the local thrift store and start hording what is left of the old fashioned paper junk mail. I can turn in the bio draft on that and type by day light, should I be able to muster the energy to peck down those keys. Wonder if I can still get my hands on correction tape???????

Seriously though. I feel like we are sitting on the very brink of it. Via Facebook I have been in touch with a handful of my school mates. One of them reported it taking her 19 months to find work and she has lived here all her life as far as I know.

Now, I am pretty sure she had some schooling in there for dental assistant or something, but I don't know if the 19 months included school or was after being qualified.

At any rate, things are rapidly becoming desperate here. Winter cold will be here soon and my current income is any where from 20% to 45% of my bare minimum monthly expenses... this does not bode well folks.

I actually applied for a part-time job yesterday... one that pays enough to pay my basic minimal expenses... sad that actually locating ONE semi-suitable job prospect 40 miles away is exciting, but it was. Cross fingers that out of the hundreds of applicants somebody actually looks at mine.

Boy do I need a real network here...

So, I have begun advertising for life coaching services. Just today I did that. Put ads out in SF, Austin and here in Dayton. Hopefully a few of those folks with good steady jobs or from families with some $ will find my ad and website appealing and contact me about coaching them.

I really love coaching people, and figured I might as well start putting some ads out (they are free). I got some basic (and very appropriate for the Dayton area) business cards to hand out to folks I meet casually.

If I could just land a few coaching clients, I could limp through the winter with that and the weekend sausage gig. Just need to eeek out til spring arrives. Things will be better then, or we'll be eating the neighbors (I am one of the young ones here, so I feel pretty safe...).

Bane/Ollie is a darn good hunter, so if push comes to shove, I might have snake, crawdad and shrew (BTW - the critters he brings in are shrews, not moles...) stew.

Mom is waiting for him to come home with shrimp. I hope she isn't holding her breath. But if he does, WE ARE RICH!

OK, gotta hit the hay. Worked out some technical website related crap today and my eyes are whoooo hooooey... but, I now have google analytics tracking my site and I have a way to see if anybody is actually even opening my backpage and craigslist ads... I love google searching for cool things... It is important to know if anybody at all is opening the ad and in what cities that ad title might be attractive...

So, if you know anybody that is looking for a life coach, please let me know.

I am not posting any details about the site or such on here, as I like having this totally anon personal space to let it all hang out!

Low plane overhead at the moment... has another war started???????????? "they" always say that is good for the economy... too bad it sucks for the living people...

Bye all,

put those + vibes out...

chickie might be running out of Aces finally...but I ain't sinking til the ship does.

Mom's cousin

Well, thankfully she has decided to go with chemo, and has said they have to start her on lower doses and work up, not the reverse like last time.

I didn't really think she was ready yet.

Now I just have to make sure mom starts spending more time with her... and still need to find a way for mom to make some new younger friends.

Mom is a very youthful 75. She needs to be going to lunch, plays and hikes and such.

All for now. Gotta get back to beating the bushes for a buck.

A little more bad news...

Well, my cousin's cancer has come back. It has been less than a year. This time the tumor is pressing against her urethra tube (the exit route for urine) and has pushed the urethra closed so she had to have stints put in her kidneys...

She is 78. She and mom have been closer than sisters since mom was a tiny toddler. They moved from TN to Ohio within a year of each other and have just always been there for each other.

Well the docs said she can do chemo again and they just don't know what will happen, or she can do nothing. If she does nothing, she has 2 to 4 months to live.

Mom is really hurting over this. My cousin has been in the hospital 8 times in the last year and a half. She was in there 21 days and was put in the day before or the day after dad went in for the last time.

She is tired and it is unclear which way she wants to go.

I want her to do what is best for her. I worry a great deal about mom. Her neighbor, Gladys, just turned 90 today, also has cancer and not much longer to live. Mom's other real close friend is in a nursing home and will be for the rest of her life.

Mom needs a shot of young healthy friends to ease the way. I cannot get her to go to senior center events and such and she doesn't have a large driving radius, so she cannot really go too many social places without someone to drive her.

I am worried about her. I am worried about my cousin Betty. I don't really think she is truly ready to be done with her life, but she is clearly tired.

Her husband is the sweetest guy. I don't know if he will make it alone. He just isn't the type. She is his love, his sweetheart since childhood.

I just want to be a kid again. Young parents, young family friends. Healthy and just struggling with other issues, not serious illness and death around every corner... I am not liking this aging thing at the moment.

Live life like you are dying...

Review your top 3 priorities in life. Can you name the 3 most important things in the world to you?

OK, off to a somber bed time...

Zoo and Bane

So, spent a zooriffic day today at the zoo with my friend Maria, my great niece Savannah and my mom. Maria's beloved, Christi, joined us at the zoo for the cheetah show and then had to get back to bringing home the bacon, no not Sir Francis Bacon, -the pig that was part of the cheetah show - (so named by Maria, btw), but the money bacon.

Well, it was one of those nice summer days. Overcast, cool and really no humidity.
The day was fabulous. Savannah, 7, was a delight. She behaved wonderfully and was very taken with Maria.

Now, Maria is about the nicest and smartest person I have ever known. In fact, she may be the nicest/smartest combo package. She has been going to the zoo for about 35 years and has been a volunteer for probably 15 to 20 years. She is used to taking kids on tours, working the info booths and knows many many people at the zoo. She is a walking encyclopedia.

Savannah was a walking ?, so it worked out well. Just as soon as Maria finished answering one question - in, I might add, the absolute perfect manner for a 7 year old, here came the next question.

Maria must be tired, just from that.

So Ms. S learned a great deal today. Got to feed a giraffe some special giraffe biscuits. Got to have Lorikeet birds crawl on her head and shoulders (as did all of us) while offering up cups of nectar. One apparently mistook my ear canal as some deep welled flower. Tickled at first, but then became a tad bit concerning... Several found my hair to be perfect material to try to pull - perhaps for their nests??? Maria's shirt was mistaken for a porta potty...

Anyway, wonderful day, including watching the cheetahs chase fake prey and make an amazing tight turn and still go in for the kill. We also got to see Tommy T - the 8 month old cheetah cub take his turn at catching the prey. He of course toyed with it after catching it... kids...

To see pics of Tommy, visit his blog. If you go back to November 2008, you can see him as a wee little cub.

So, the day was really wonderful. Then, we went back to Maria and Christi's place, had pizza, got to visit with Christi, got to see their 4 dogs and one of the 5 or 6 cats. After dinner S suggested a game of GO Fish, so we played and I won, whooo hoooo. Then Maria did some magic tricks for S and then S did some magic tricks for us.

Well, it was time to head home, so we dropped S off at her house. When we went to her backyard, her daddy came out of the barn in a pair of shorts and covered in transmission fluid, car grease and dirt. Trying to put a transmission in a vehicle and it wasn't going so smooth. Talk about your grease monkey! He was filthy!

S showed us how she could ride a bike without training wheels (since yesterday!!!), then we had to go home. I dropped mom off and came back to Kia Rio.

Jaz and Heljye waiting on the porch, happily anticipating dinner. Called for Ollie and he didn't show. Sometimes it takes him about 10 or 15 to transition from the hunt to coming inside. I fiddled around the house, and periodically called for him.

After 20 minutes and no show, I got a tad more serious about it. The wind was picking up and it was pretty strong. I got the dog whistle and the treat bag. Now it is 30 minutes.

Last time it took him this long to come when called, I ended up in the Impenetrable Forest with an extension ladder and the Ollievator at 2:30 am.

So, as you can imagine, I was not too happy. I actually have to get up in the morning and be at a part-time job (really PT - like 24 hours a month) so I was not keen on trying to figure out where he was stranded, but what can you do?

So, back in the house. Long pants, tall socks, boots, long sleeve shirt, bandanna, bug lotion, flashlight, dog whistle.

Here we go again.

I start with perimeter patrol. Now it is Friday night and I live on a state route, so there is traffic. There is also a bar out here in the countryside, and it is less than 1/2 mile away. It is about 9:30 or so, so folks are heading out all over the place. Lots of traffic noise to eclipse a weak cat mew in the IF.

I walk back and forth in the yard and hear nothing but loud animal movements (male deer are out there because you can see their markings on the barkless trees) so I am not totally keen on just plunging in. Never mind the raccoons and my neighbor telling me just yesterday that he killed a rat snake in his driveway.



So, after a few trips along the edge of the yard, I go out and walk on the side of the road, hoping not to find his body there. I walk up to the fence - in between cars, call his name and strain to hear a faint mew. Nothing.

I hear my name. It is Oneida, she is on her front porch with a cup of coffee, standing in the dark enjoying the cool summer night. I give her his description and she promises to keep an eye out. I ask about the status of her job interview. They called her twice to update her on when interviews would finish and when she should next expect to hear from them. I tell her THAT is a really good sign, they like you. She was pleased to hear it. Things are HARD here and they have 2 little kids.

So, back at the Ollie hunt. Back into the yard, flashlight to the porch hoping he is waiting there. Nothing doing.

I walk to the best opening spot to enter the IF. I pause, calling his name, flashing the light about to give notice I am in the hood. It is at this point that I think "this cat is the bane of my existence."

I am now in the IF. I am calling. I hear nothing. I move in about 7 feet, get still, call to him and listen. I move 7 more feet crossing over fallen branches and repeat. 7 more feet. Nothing. I hunch down and crawl under growth. repeat. Nothing. 7 more feet. A mew. I call, he mews I zig zag through the growth toward his mew. Squatting periodically.

I am thinking what a total bitch it is going to be to drag a damn ladder back here. Further in than last time. Damn, seems like he is closer to the neighbors house. Call, mew, flashlight around, move. repeat. Jeez, what is mom going to say when I call her at 10 pm and say I am coming for the extension ladder tonight. She nearly had me committed the last time. The biggest ladder I have here is 6 foot. Ok, when I get a steady source of cash, I MUST get an extension ladder. Call, mew, flashlight around, move.

Call. Mew is quite loud and sounds fairly low. Now I am perplexed.

He does not sound high enough to be afraid to come down. What could the problem be? Call, loud mew, flashlight - bingo - I get cat eyes. He is low to the ground. WTF??? I get closer he mews loud, I shine the light. The little fucker is standing on the ground mewing loudly. He is not up a tree, not trapped, not stuck, not being curled upon by black rat snake. Just standing there giving me his loud shrill mew. Not the same one that bolts me out of bed at 6 am, but the other one that demands attention.

Now I am perplexed. I pet him, he is happy. I turn around and begin the zig zag to get back out. I call, he sort of follows all the while with the shrill mew. I wonder. He is walking fine.

I get to the yard, he stands about 10 feet away and off to my left, still in the IF mewing loudly as though he is lost or calling a lost friend.

I call, he comes flying and runs up to the porch and stands by the door waiting to come in the front door with me. I open door, he goes to eat. Heljye jumps him at the food bowl, there is a scuffle. I put Heljye on a cat tree and pet him.

Ollie eats (I pat him down for signs of puncture or other wounds) then walks to his favorite spot in the hallway (world's shortest hallway) and plops down like he was just hanging round all damn day.

BANE.

bane:
killer, slayer b: poison c: death, destruction (the moles use this definition and so do I)

bane:
a source of harm or ruin : curse (we all use this one.)

So, Bane is now sitting in the window of the office, enjoying the cool breeze coming through the window screen and watching me type, then looking outside. Pretty as a magazine cover.

Bane.

I now feel icky ooey and buggie... covered in herbal bug repellent, spider webs and who knows what. Never mind the potential for a snake to drop off a tree at or on me.

So, um, to those people who need to scientifically "prove" that cats control their owners.

F you. Just get a damn cat and save all the research money and time. Please. Any cat person could tell you that while standing in line at the pet store with their umpteenth brand of cat food that the finicky little beasts turn their noses to.

Must bathe and pet Bane kitty nice nice before I go to bed.

Social & Business Marketing newbie

Well,

first off a shout out to Miwako!!!!!!!!

Hey girl! Thanks for the beautiful email. I will respond soon. Glad to hear about the new job and that my blog brightens your day!

So... Jaz is fine, and yes, Miwako, he is jumpy now. Jumps at every little thing since his run in with the racoon. Always was a bit jittery, but now he is down right jumpy.

Good boy though. Snoozing on the chaise lounge a few feet away.

Ollie is a prolific hunter. Managed to head him off at the pass a few days ago. I went to the window to read the fine print on the hard drive my Stubba Bubba sent for mom's pc (was trying to sort out that master and slave business) -well needing that light was a good thing, cause little Ollie was trotting across the yard with a snake in his mouth.

Well, you know I dropped that hard drive and bolted out the office through the living room and out onto the porch. Ollie was just coming up the steps with it.

I managed to slam the window down to close off the window mounted cat door at just about the time he deposited snake at my feet. eeeeeeeewwwww.

Well, I had the foresight to grab the broom on my way out of the house. So, knowing the snake would play dead for a few minutes, I snatched proud little Ollie up, kissed him and put his butt in the house.

Next, I swept that snake off into the side flower bed. It took a lot of sweeps to get it off and I did feel bad. It had to fall about 3.5 feet to hit the dirt.

It was hot as blue blazes that day and I again felt bad for the little f*er, so I made a shade shield for it. I figured it must be traumatized and just because I don't want the damn thing in my house does not mean it needs to be dead or hurt...

So, next I called Heljye and sweet boy came to me. Walked right by the snake, I held my breath, and he did not seem to see it. I snatched his butt up and took him inside.

Jaz was, well it is Jaz. He was sleeping on the bed. Snuggie stays so far gone that he is not much of an issue... so, the Rough Riders and Jaz stayed inside for a couple of hours to give snake time to slink off.

Then, yesterday, I found an animal that had made a valiant attempt to hide from 4 cats. Unfortunately it died as a result and that was NOT pretty, not pretty at all.

Damnable cats.


Well, I am trying to get it together to work as a consultant.

I am currently working for Sedi, helping her with marketing the airport shuttle...

A Greener Oakland-Marin Shuttle

I am learning to do internet based marketing. I am working on creating a linkedin account, a yelp account and a facebook fan page among other things.

I also discovered that the web designer did not put the correct info on her webpages to get search results to show her website... so working on getting that resolved quickly.

I am not really trying to work in marketing, but it is what she needs, benefits from the great insight of an anthropologist, and, it gives me a client name for my consulting work.

I believe we call that a win, win, win.

Ok, some lunch and back at the marketing work!